She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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