I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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