Porn is love you can see.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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