dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
