What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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