she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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