I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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