Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
