We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
