walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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