You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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