she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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