i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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