Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
