You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
nutella sex= disaster
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
