took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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