it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
