I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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