Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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