There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
