My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
