We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
