Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
