***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize