she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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