the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
