Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
