please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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