glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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