i think my tv is drunk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
