Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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