i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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