I CAN MOONWALK!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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