I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
