Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize