Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
