can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
