I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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