Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
