No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
