Betty ford says i'm here all night
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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