Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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