i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
