Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just cut my nipple shaving
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
its liver damage thursday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
