How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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