Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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