Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
