is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
