the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
