i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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