We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
