I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
