I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
