What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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