So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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