but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
