I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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