he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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