my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
